It's late, the restaurants are closed, and you have nothing prepared to make a proper meal from… you need an emergency pizza!
This won't be a by-the-book recipe, it's a make-do-with-what-you've-got one. One that's quick, without the usual long waiting times needed when making dough with yeast. I make mine slightly plainer than the average Australian pizza (what's usually called a “Hawaiian pizza,” here—one made with ham, pineapple, cheese, and tomato sauce). I can't stand ham, so mine's almost like that, just minus the ham. I'm not as adventurous as my friends, who's idea of a home made pizza is to empty the spice rack.
Put about a cup or two of flour into a bowl. Self raising flour will give you a base that's thick, plain flour will be very thin. I do half and half, so it doesn't bloat.
I put some herbs in the flour, mixing them in, so the base isn't too plain. Buttercup sells some ready-made bases that aren't bad, they have a bit of pepper in them. You could try a tiny bit of that.
Put the egg into the flour.
Slowly pour in some milk while mixing your dough, perhaps a third as much milk as flour, until you get a doughy consistency. You want to be able to kneed it with your hands, don't make it sloppy or sticky.
Spread some flour on a board, kneed the dough about, roll it flat.
Slightly grease a flat baking tray, or any suitable equivelent to a pizza tray. Use something like a small amount of olive oil, if you have some. And put your pizza base base onto your tray.
Spread your sauce around. If you only had plain sauce, you might add some herbs to it. If you don't have sauce, you might try pulping some tomatoes, yourself.
Grate your cheese, and spread it about. You don't need masses of it, unless you love cheese, it just helps to keep everything together. Leave the very centre of the pizza a bit bare (of cheese and other things), it makes it easier to cut pieces apart and not have the topping dragged off when you lift out a slice.
Spread other foods that you fancy around, as well. Meat, vegetables, pineapple, etc. (Crushed pineapple can be easier to eat than chunks of pineapple, especially for kids.)
Lightly sprinkle a few herbs on top.
Cook for somewhere around 10–20 minutes in a hot oven. I judge mine ready to remove when the cheese looks a little bit toasted.
Do not skimp on the cooking time if you're using meat, or any other food products that need thorough cooking to avoid food poisoning. If you're using toppings that'll need more cooking time than the pizza, you can pre-cook them a bit, then add them to your uncooked pizza base, and finish cooking them together.
For pizzas that aren't an emergency dish, there's a variety of ingredients that you can buy instead of making everything from raw, and they're still better than buying frozen prepared pizzas, or getting them delivered.
Pita or Lebanese bread makes good bases, if you like thin ones. The wholemeal ones have more flavour than the white ones. Yiros bread seems even better.
Various pasta sauces make nice pizza sauces. I found some to be too hot, others not quite enough, so I usually end up blending two different sauces together.